When Adults Forget Who’s Watching: Parents, Coaches, and the Life Lessons in Sports

A few days ago, I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across a post about a parent’s outburst at a youth sporting event. The details don’t even matter; what struck me was how familiar it felt. The yelling, the berating, the lack of control. Sadly, this isn’t a rare occurrence.

And if we’re being honest, it’s not just parents.

A few months back, I saw another post, this time about three coaches whose behavior on the field left me shaking my head. The frustration wasn’t just about poor sportsmanship. It was about the example being set for every child watching, on their own team and the opposing one. These kids were looking to their coaches for guidance, not just in the mechanics of the game, but in how to carry themselves under pressure, in competition, and in life.

As I’ve said before, softball was never just about softball. And really, no sport is. Sports are classrooms. The dirt on the field and the squeak of gym floors are chalkboards where lessons about resilience, humility, teamwork, and respect get written every day. But here’s the thing: the kids aren’t the only ones doing the writing. The adults, parents in the stands, and coaches on the sidelines are drafting some of the most important lines.

8 years old, shortly before being told “you will never be a softball pitcher"

The Responsibility We Carry

When a parent loses their cool and screams at a referee or umpire, they’re teaching their child that blame and anger are the default responses to disappointment. When a coach mocks an opponent or ridicules their own players, they’re teaching that respect is conditional. And when adults forget that every choice they make is on display, kids learn a dangerous lesson: that the scoreboard matters more than character.

But what if we flipped it? What if parents modeled composure, showing their child that you can cheer hard and still respect the game? What if coaches modeled humility, praising effort even in the face of defeat? What if we remembered that our role as adults isn’t to win for the kids, but to help them win at life?

A Mirror for Life Lessons in Sports

I think about all the young athletes who will one day walk into job interviews, sit at family dinner tables, or navigate conflicts with friends. The way they handle those moments is shaped, in part, by what they saw growing up on the sidelines of their own games. Did they learn that shouting gets results, or that calm leadership makes the real difference? Did they learn to respect authority and opponents alike, or that respect only comes when you’re ahead on the scoreboard?

Every practice, every game, every season is a chance to plant seeds. And those seeds grow far beyond the field.

My parents helped shape me into the person I have become.

A Call to Parents and Coaches

If you’re a parent, your child doesn’t just hear your cheers; they absorb your posture, your tone, your reactions. They’re studying you as much as they’re studying the sport.

If you’re a coach, you’re more than a strategist. You’re a leader, a mentor, and sometimes even the steady hand a child desperately needs. Winning games may feel good, but shaping character is the legacy that lasts.

The truth is, kids will forget the score of most games. But they’ll remember how it felt to have a parent who believed in them, or a coach who showed them dignity, even in defeat.

Sports aren’t just about the next play; they’re about the next generation. And we, as the adults in the room, need to rise to the responsibility of modeling the values we want to see in them.

Why I’m Writing About This Now

For years, I’d thought about writing a book about the life lessons in sports. I’d even drafted pieces of it and tucked them away. But the more I saw posts like these, about poor adult behavior at youth sports, the more I felt that these messages couldn’t just sit on my desk anymore.

As a mom, a counselor, and a former athlete, I feel deeply frustrated when I see adults losing sight of what’s really at stake. These kids deserve better examples. And they deserve to carry with them the kind of life lessons that shaped me, lessons about discipline, teamwork, respect, and resilience.

That’s the heart behind A Player’s Petition. Because while the games eventually end, the lessons last a lifetime.

My hope is that the stories and lessons I put down on paper can encourage parents, coaches, and players alike to remember: the game is bigger than the scoreboard, and our kids are always watching.

Grab your copy of A Player’s Petition here:

A Player's Petition

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